Yesterday I heard that a dear friend has tragically lost her brother to mental health. Another beautiful soul lost to this Earth plain. Lost to his relatives and friends left behind. Lost to the future he might have had. So many beautiful stories retold. So much heartache for the ones left behind.. and eternal peace for the man that could no longer take the pain of living the reality of his life.

It hurts.. it hurts to see her and her loved ones in pain. This woman has helped me to conquer my mental health challenges. She has helped my daughter to deal with her teenage challenges, and here she and her family are now living with this tragedy.

Rest In Peace Danny Killeen
Sadly this is not the first friend this has happened to.

I’m sure you have your own people that have felt this pain and trauma. That in itself is a sad statement and a testament to the times that we are now living.

This story completely resonates and hits me right in the bloody face; front on. Why? Because it could have been me. It could have been my family going through this. And I am grateful that it is not.

My person has been through the hardest challenge of their entire life. They have been to some very dark places and we have been lucky. They talked to us. They continue to talk to us. They continues to take on the battle each and EVERY bloody day, battling to clear the noise rattling around in their brain. Trying to make sense of deceit; the loss: the rejection: the selfishness; the lack of regard for their feelings; coupled with their own guilt and failures and what ifs.

And it is hard to see that pain and to see how they then seemingly freely trust and they forgive. They are absolutely right to do this. It frees the mind from any unnecessary extra trauma that hating and resenting would bring. And maybe this is their saving grace.

 

 As a bystander that has witnessed the episodes, it is hard to do the same, although we must, for our own mental freedom. It is hard to let go of the disbelief I feel and , the lack of care that I have witnessed for such a good person and someone that I love.

The lack of ownership for the part that they have played in the breaking of another persons soul. The breaking of their being; all for self gratification.

The thing is, they are not wrong. Definitely the way they have gone about it is wrong. Definitely the way they have treated everyone around them is wrong. But are they wrong for making a choice that is different to the one everyone else expected?

No. Absolutely not!

Life is all about choice. You have choices every single day and, you must live by those choices and bloody well own them, and any fall out that they bring.

It’s the lack of ownership that burns; that has ignited anger inside of me. The lack of ownership and the blatant and continued disregard for the mental health of my family. My person. For someone that professes to have walked the mental health path, to belittle the pain that they in part, are responsible for, and the impact that this has had on my person. That fucking triggers. It could have been me. It could have been my family.

Caroline Flack has been gone for just over a year now and The Be Kind message spread like wild fire.

Be Kind is not just for the famous.

We should be kind to everyone! Yet people can and do quickly forget.

The old me would have swallowed this down and said nothing. Because confrontation hasn’t been a part of my life. It has always been easier to just walk away quietly and not let anyone know what is going on inside . I did that for the last time 3 years ago. I learnt my lesson. I spoke up when people tried to shush me and lie about me! Not anymore. NOT ON MY WATCH!! Not a frikkin chance. I realise that I have the control and I do not relinquish that to ANYONE else EVER again.

So the days of “Jules, you cant say that” are done.

Over.

Gone!

And with respect, if you don’t like it.

You have 2 choices!

We always have 2 choices!

Let me tell you then what happens when you keep this shit bubbling inside.

That negative energy then builds up inside of you. That energy reduces your vibration and that energy makes you ill. That’s not happy clappy! That’s physics people!!

Keeping that negative energy inside would then put me back into the mental health world that I have climbed out of for the very last time. Never Again am I going back there! So, as Einstein says, you get stuck in that energy and you attract more of the same. I choose not to be in that energy so I am letting it go.

And so I am speaking out! I am saying this.

If you are a person who is making choices that affects the life and mental health of someone else – you own that shit! You take that shit back to your own door and you keep that with you. Remember Be Kind…..

A wise gorgeous human once asked Gracie, who was going through her own mental health challenges whilst trying to make sense of life as a teenager in this crazy world we live in; “what would you do if someone came and put their dirty skanky old sofa in your front garden!!?” She said, “I’d tell them to shift it!! ”

Exactly right! It’s not your shit to deal with! Go and take your old sofa to your own house. How bloody dare you dump your rubbish in my front garden!

You do not EVER allow someone to come and but their old sofa in your garden!

If that is what you are doing with the shit you bring through your decisions and your choice, then you take your shit back..you own it and you walk away. You walk away and you reach out to your people to help you shift your sofa!

I stand in my power and I thank those sofa tippers for the lessons that they have taught me and mine, and I ask you to do the same if you are in this situation.

Let whoever is bringing you or yours down, let them go. Allow them to walk their own path with your gratitude and blessing. Ask them to leave you and yours alone to heal from the mess that they have helped to create. You will not allow this to happen again . Not on your watch ! No frikkin way.

I get my feelings out on paper like this. I get that shit out of my head and my body. The negativity is then gone. It’s out. It’s free. I am no longer encumbered with it. Does that mean the situation is over? Maybe not… but you know what… rest assured if it comes knocking again, know that I learnt my lesson the first time and it’s not coming in! I have my own sofa thanks!

If you are struggling with your own emotions, write them down. Let the words flow. You will be surprised what comes out when you begin to write. The “new” word for this is Journalling. Such a powerful release. It isn’t a new thing. The artists amongst us write music, books, poetry. Some people write in their diary and talk to the diary on a daily basis. The Psychotherapists and those working in coaching and empowerment now use Journalling as a way of having their clients look inside at what is going on. It’s a way of releasing emotions, thoughts and feelings. It is a cathartic process. It identifies things that you may need to do more work on to set you and your mind free. Self Limiting beliefs that are holding you back from living your life. Self limiting beliefs can be a huge reason for people falling in to depression. The sad part is, that the beliefs are not valid, but until you do the work, you may not necessarily understand this.

There are many many reasons for mental health challenges. So so many. I am just sharing this with you today as I was triggered by Yesterday.s news and my selfish gratitude that it wasn’t us.

My friends brother did not speak out. He reached a point where he felt he could not carry that trauma anymore. Danny is now free of his pain. His sister has been shouting loud for support for men in mental health. Men often suffer in silence. They need to be heard. They need to know and feel that they have somewhere to go and release what they are feeling.

I have friends that have committed crimes, so that they can get arrested, as they know that in Prison they will get the help they need. How bloody absurd is that? Living in a society when in desperation to get help you have to do this?!

My own son struggled massively with his mental health in 2018. If it wasn’t for him reaching out to us, and an incredible teacher at his school, to whom we will be forever grateful for keeping tabs on him and liaising with us, we could be in a very different situation right now. It’s now 2021 and we are still waiting for his CAMHS referral appointment.

This is just wrong! How many more kids are suffering?

My husband has been to the brink. It could have been him. He got the help.

This mental health crisis isn’t new. It’s just getting bigger and the support available less.

I hope and pray that if you have a family member that for whatever reason is in a bad place.. that they are not themselves.. you don’t know why… you can’t put your finger on it.. but somethings not right.. then check in with them.

If you have someone in your life that is more than alright! They’ve painted that smile on. Check in with them.

Look for signs of change. They don’t have to be huge. Just be vigilant.

This mental health epidemic we are living in is bigger than any sodding virus.

It is THE modern day pandemic that needs us.. you and me.., to be there to hold space and listen to anyone that needs it.

I feel gratitude that my person spoke out. I truly do. But that is never taken for granted.

I feel gratitude that my children spoke out.

I feel for my friend and her family for their tragic loss. They could not save their brother; their son, their uncle.

I feel pain for my friend that lost her daughter to this absolutely horrific disease. She did not reach out.

Bethany took her life at the age of 17 years at the start of the first lock down in March 2020. Her family firmly believe that it was the Covid situation and being locked in is that caused it. Such a talented and free spirited young girl, having her wings clipped like this, was too much. A year on and how many more young people, just like Beth are struggling?

BEAUTIFUL BETHANY PALMER – FOREVER YOUNG
Bethany’s gorgeous family set up a fund in her memory, to raising money to fund courses with Papyrus, Prevention of Young Suicide, to help to raise awareness of suicide prevention in young people. I am very proud to say that I attended the Papyrus course myself It was funded by Beths legacy, and I am waiting for lockdown to be over, when I have committed to funding my own more in depth course to carry on that work at a deeper level. Thank you Bethany for your support in making me aware.

If you feel that you would like to support this cause, you can click on the Bethany’s Page Link Below. Her family would be absolutely honoured.

If you are struggling in any way… please reach out.

If you feel you have no one, please know that there are organisations with people just like me and you that have walked similar paths that will answer your call. You will be heard. You will have space to speak and share your story and your pain. You will be heard.

I have added a couple of numbers to the bottom of this post. Keep them safe – share them with those that you feel may need them.

Life can be amazing on the other side of this mental health coin. Honestly it can. You Matter.

Please please please find that strength to reach out.

Dig deep.

We know that this mental health Pandemic is going to become worse! We know that the support services are inundated. We all have to help. We all have to stand up and be someones person.

We don’t want to lose anymore of our people.

The people that we love and care for.

The people that need us to know and to hear them.

I am grateful that this time it wasn’t me.

Help others to make sure it’s not them.

Jules x